We decided to get a motorcycle. It wasn’t as if he ran off one day and bought one without my knowledge. I was pumped for him to take the class, I encouraged him when he wanted to take the DMV test, and I even excitedly looked online with him for a bike. And for the most part I am SO stoked about it. The Yamaha V Star 650 was a cost effective choice and a great price. Not to mention I really really really needed a new car and if Kyle got a motorcycle that meant I would get his 2015 VW Golf. So I wasn’t being completely selfless when jumping on the motorcycle bandwagon.
Even though he looks mighty fine on his motorcycle, they don’t mask the extra possible dangers this bike can bring. In fact right after we got it, I started having mini worry freak outs. For Kyle and I, it is easy to begin sentences with “in 5 years”, and “when we retire”, and “we can tell our grandchildren”, but this new fear of losing him woke me up from all of our future thinking and planning. It reminded me that the danger of losing him is very real. I think it is fun and good to plan and dream of the future but ultimately none of us know the future. This has made me take in all of his details with a new vigor, and engage in each moment with him because each moment is a precious gift. Although the thought of loosing him brings tears immediately rushing to my eyes, I need to hold on to him with a loose grip because he is only temporarily mine. Without clenched fists, I can one day hand him off to Jesus who will take him to the finish line of eternity.
I am determined to not live in fear because I know that God is sovereign. When it is Kyle’s time to join Him it will happen whether or not he has a motorcycle. My task is to faithfully trust in the Lord and live free of fear. I think Hellen Keller put it perfectly:
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. God Himself is not secure, having given man dominion over His works! Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. Faith alone defends. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. “